Can I Be Less Demanding in a Relationship? Learning Support and Healthy Giving

Have you ever been told that you’re too demanding? Has your current or past beau ever accused you of being controlling? If you find yourself needing to be in control or being downright demanding towards your partner, we can help. Keep reading to find out how to be less demanding in a relationship!

Woman thinking about how to be less demanding in a relationship.

What Does it Mean to be Demanding in a Relationship?

Firstly, how do you know if you’re being demanding in your relationship? While every couple will have their own definition, there are a few things that may point to you or your partner being demanding. Do you feel the need to always be in control? Are you constantly telling your partner what they can/can’t do? Do you find the need to always have things go your way? Don’t be down on yourself if you answered yes to any of these questions. Most people don’t intend to be demanding, and they may see nothing but kind efforts to be committed to the relationship.

How Can I be Less Demanding in a Relationship?

To help you on your journey, here are six things you can try to be less demanding in a relationship.

Focus on Yourself

To be less demanding in a relationship, you need to ask yourself why you feel the need to be in control. From taking the time to connect with yourself, you may recognize that something is causing you to act this way. You might begin to see how it could negatively affect your relationship in the long run and be motivated to make some changes. While it may not be easy, once you’ve identified the areas you struggle with, consider things you can do to help. It could be finding stress relief, managing anxiety, or building your self-esteem. Whatever it may be, focus on growing as a person, so you can be the best version of yourself!

Give Each Other Space

You may not love the idea of your partner doing things without you right now. But it’s important for every relationship that you give each other space to breathe. If your S/O is having drinks with their friends, don’t give them a curfew or text them every 30 minutes to check in. By giving each other space, you get to connect with yourself, establish a sense of individuality, and get an opportunity to miss each other. If you find yourself calling your partner with demands, write out your feelings in a journal instead of unloading them onto your partner. You’ll be able to get them off your chest and analyze the root cause of the issue.

Pursue Your Own Interests

If you find yourself being demanding in your relationship, it could be because of a lack of your own interests and passions. If we spend our time making demands, we have no time to do the things that bring us joy. And that doesn’t sound like much fun! By trying out pottery or signing up for a dance class, you’re focusing more on your interests and less on being in control. It’s important you have your own life away from your partner and prioritize your passions and goals. Not only will it create a more fulfilling life for you, but also for your relationship.

Open up

It may be difficult and even a little uncomfortable. But opening up to your partner about your behavior will allow them to be there for you and support you. If you express your emotions with your S/O, it will allow for a deeper understanding of your relationship. Be honest in your conversation and explain things clearly. Ask for support if you need it. By opening up honest communication in the relationship, it will help you feel comfortable to talk things out instead of reverting to making demands. P. S. don’t forget to tell your partner how much you love and cherish them. A few sweet nothing’s here and there go a long way!

Don’t Try to Change Your Partner

Just because you are two peas in a pod doesn’t mean you are the same person. Remember, you are not your partner, and your partner is not you. They aren’t going to agree with everything you have to say or want to do everything you want to do. They are entitled to their own opinions, thoughts, and beliefs. Instead of demanding that they act or live the way you want them to, show them you value them for exactly who they are. After all, it would be pretty unexciting to be in a relationship with a mirror version of you. The sooner you celebrate your differences instead of trying to change them, the sooner you’ll appreciate what you both bring to the table!

Focus on Your Other Relationships

Sometimes we become demanding in our relationships because too much of our focus is on our partner. Try to open up your world for connections with your other relationships. If your partner isn’t available to chat about your bad day at work, don’t demand that they come home immediately to comfort you. Instead, why not contact a friend and arrange a coffee date or margarita night? Or FaceTime a family member and share your problems with them. It’s important to establish a solid support system you can rely on when your partner isn’t available to be there for you. And remember, as much as they want to be, it will be hard for them to give you their undivided attention 24/7.

To learn about how to adopt a practice of self-love and still build your relationship, check out our article here.